THE DARKNESS WITHIN

by Starza

A/N:
I suck at titles, as you can tell. :/

MAJOR Warnings right now. This is a VERY DARK fanfic. If you don’t like the concept of Hisoka being dark and evil, then click the back button IMMEDIATELY! I don’t wanna see any flames saying ‘OMG, YOU JERK! HISOKA ISN’T LIKE THAT!’ and stuff like that. If you continue reading after this warning, you do so at your own damn risk.

I’d like to thank Akiya for beta-reading this for me. ^_^;; Thanks a whole bunch.

This idea was supposed to be a sappy Tsuzuki/Hisoka fanfic. But for some reason, I got into a bad mood and this storm cloud ended up corrupting it from sappy to plain weird to dark. Then my thoughts drifted to ‘What if Hisoka never died, could he have gone corrupt?’, so then I thought, ‘Well, what’s keeping him from being corrupt?’ Tsuzuki, right? But what happens when Hisoka misinterprets Tsuzuki’s feelings for him? >.>

I guess this would be the ‘twin’ to Elf Asato’s Yuuzai fanfic, only, we’re dealing with a very nasty Hisoka. :P

Last warnings: Be warned for angst, dark themes, most likely, a OOC Hisoka, mild lime, more angst, and NCS (I had NO idea what NCS meant till someone told me. I’m sorry I didn’t put in this warning before). Sigh, you’re still reading this after all the warnings I gave, so I guess you’re stuck reading it. It’s rated R for a reason, after all.

And erm, enjoy? Or prepared to be spooked. Remember, I warned you. ~_^ Er, spoilers about Hisoka’s past and all. And I guess this could be counted as an AU?

Disclaimers: And I don’t own Yami, cause if I did, I would never come out of my room again. X_x;;

I don't really remember how it came to this. It started so simply. A light conversation, which in turn, passed the time. Then 'Would you like to go out to dinner?' came forth. Even if I said no, I knew you would give me 'that look', the look that no one can resist for long. Dinner went by in a blur, and then we were outside my apartment door.

I offered you some tea before you left. You accepted and entered my meager house. It took me perhaps five minutes to brew the tea and set it on the table. A light conversation fell between us. I can't remember any of it (something about my house being too gloomy, I think, but I like the way my house is). But I can't forget what happened after it.

You taste like chocolate... No, not chocolate. More like cinnamon. Yeah, that's it... It's probably because of all those dammed sweets you eat.

No, it didn't surprise me at all that it would eventually come to this. I knew you were attracted to me, it was so blatantly obvious. Playful flirting, but I knew underneath the innocence of your playful flirting, that you really meant it. I am an empath, after all.

For one quick moment, you part from my lips. I lick my lips; I can still taste you. Purple orbs gaze down at me. I can feel the emotions coming from you and I know what you are going to say. Please, don't... Not those three words... Tell me the other three... I deserve those, not what...

You said it. Those three little words. 'I love you'.

Why? I pushed you away so many countless times. I was so cruel to you, always calling you an idiot, making fun of you, brushing you away from me. Yet, you kept coming back to me like the stubborn fool you are...

I don't deserve your love, your protection...

Did I say that out loud? You're giving me such an odd look. You wonder why I would say such a thing. I don't have an answer for you. You wipe a tear that falls upon my cheek and hug me close to your warm body. I inhale your scent and still feel your emotions seeping into me, as a comfort. You lean in and place your lips upon mine, wanting desperately so much to relieve me of my pain, of what I suffered in the past. Your desire to protect me from harm is what I focus on right now...

And something inside of me then snaps...

I forcefully push myself onto you. The kiss, which was once warm and gentle, turns hot, passionate, hungry... I feel your surprise and you try to push away, but I have you against the wall and you can't escape. I hear a whimper escape your throat, but I don't care. You've unlocked a hidden door inside of myself, something I've tried so very long to hide from others, tried to tame...

Anger... So much anger...

Somehow, I manage to force you into my bedroom. I push you violently down on the bed and cover your protests with my mouth onto yours while ripping your dress shirt in the process and flinging it to the floor. I feel you trying to push away; I can hear your echoing emotions in the back of my head.

You could get away, you know. But you don't want to. You want this just as much as I do. You're afraid to push away because you don't want to hurt me. That will be your downfall...

I let my hands roam all around your chest while I force my tongue into your mouth. I brush my fingertips lightly over one of your nipples and you again whimper softly. I finally release my mouth from yours, both of us gasping and panting for breath. I stare down into your eyes. You're scared, aren't you? But yet... Yet...

I still see those emotions... I still feel them... You still love me, after I force myself onto you this way!?

You still want to protect me!?

Stop treating me like a kid!

My hand stings. I realize I just slapped you in the face while shouting at you. I see tears in your eyes, asking me why. I feel my hands go for your throat.

Why don't you hate me!? I was so cruel to you! Even now! Yet, you still look at me with those purple eyes, full of love and the want to protect...

I notice your face starting to become blue, desperately gasping for breaths. You're bigger than me; yet, you make no move to back off. Like you want this...

I remove my hands from your throat and glare down at you. That look is still there... I just can't stand that look! How can you feel this way still!? I tried to kill you just now! And yet, you still look at me like that...

Deep down, I hated what happened to me. The parents who locked me up and called me a monster, even though I was their child. Then Muraki, who raped me and cursed me, living three long years in agony. And now you, who must insist on protecting me and being there for me. Like I'm some child who needs to be led around all the time by another hand...

You want this, don't you? You've wanted me this way for a long time, but you made no move because of what happened to me in the past, because of Muraki. You wanted to take it slow and hoped that in time, I would eventually open up to you and trust you. Which is exactly what I did.

I feel so used now. That you would do that to me. Treating me as if I was still a little child...

I'll show you... Show you I'm not some child that always needs protection.

I let instincts take over. My hands go for the zipper of your pants and I pull them down roughly. You are totally exposed to me now. Are you a virgin, Asato? I feel a smirk rise up my face and I almost laugh at the fear reflected in your eyes. I've never showed you this side of me, the hidden anger that I've kept back away for so long...

After tonight, you won't be a virgin anymore. You'll know what I had to go through four years ago when I was under the sakura tree.

There is no gentleness in what I do. The places where I bit you that were supposed to leave bruises healed, which only encourages me to go back there and do it again and again. I hear you whimper and cry. I see the tears that leak out of those purple eyes. A part of me screams to stop what I am doing, that I don't want this. In a way, I always figured if we ever did do this, that it would be passionate, yet gentle...

But I don't want gentleness. I don't deserve your kindness, your gentleness or anything... After tonight, I will lose them, I'm sure I will. You'll never want to be near me ever again. And that's exactly what I want...

I look back into your eyes, expecting hatred. But no! You are still looking at me with love and concern! Yes, I do see fear in your eyes, but that's not what I want to see!

Oh, I'll make you hate me soon enough, Asato!

I pull down my pants as fast as I can and without warning, I thrust hard into you. I hear your scream vibrate off the walls, and I'm glad I don't live in an apartment, for surely if I did, someone would've come and knocked over at the door by now. Yes, I know I've hurt you, but I don't care, that's exactly what I want to do. It hurts me as well, but I barely notice it, my anger overwhelming the pain. I keep thrusting in and out of you, watching your back arch and listening to your wails of pain mixed in with sadness. I can hear the voice in the back of my mind again, screaming that I should stop right now, but I can't. I've taken it this far already, I'm going to finish it; I'm not going to look back and regret after this.

Not once do you ask me to stop. Not once. I remember back then, begging for my captor to stop, I didn't want to be in pain. But you... you think you deserve this. Yes, Asato, I will bring you pain. After this, you won't ever look at me as a child that needs protection and love.

This is what you wanted so desperately, Asato. You longed for me, didn't you? You wanted me in bed with you. Things don't always turn out the way you want them though. I realize I've said all this out loud, but I don't care. I let out a soft moan as I continue onwards.

Even though you're in pain, you can't help but climax and I feel your seed pour onto me. I climax shortly after and feel myself pour into you. I pull out and notice the blood that is seeping into the sheets. I'll have to throw those out and get a new sheet tomorrow. I wipe your essences off like it was poison. I feel dizzy and tired, but I have to know if my efforts paid off. I look down again into your eyes.

No hatred is found in those eyes. No love either. No fear...

Nothing stares back. Your emotions are totally blank. I reach out with my empathy, expecting something, but I feel nothing. You just lie there, like a ragged doll...

I laugh at that thought and go to take a shower.

Strange. I thought I should feel terrible. Part of me was expecting to regret what I did, that I should feel extreme shame. But I didn't. To be honest, I enjoyed it, maybe a little too much, and a part of me wanted to do it again. I like this feeling of dominance I have over you. I turn the knobs of the shower and let the hot water flow down my body as I soap up a nearby sponge and scrub myself clean. I can still feel your lingering touch on my skin and it drives me crazy.

I rinse off, wrap a towel around myself and head back into the bedroom. You are still there, only your eyes are closed and you are curled up on one side of the bed. I dry myself off and hop back into bed without getting dressed. I put your head on my lap and run my fingers through your hair. I hear you whimper softly, but you don't wake.

Yes, I broke you, just as a certain someone wanted to. The realization dawns on me.

But I just laugh. Yes, I broke the person who loved me most in this world and whom I loved most.

The scary thing is I didn't mind one bit...


CHAPTER 2

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