THE DARKNESS WITHIN

by Starza






CHAPTER TWO


From the moment Tatsumi entered the office, he knew something was wrong. Not the usual kind of wrong, where Watari slipped his latest potion in the coffee and having it end up backfiring or finding out that the library blew up again, thanks to Tsuzuki, or how someone managed to go over the budget, much to Tatsumi's irritation.

No, this was the type of wrongness that wasn't that simple to mend. The type of wrongness that threatened to strangle anyone who managed to walk into the fog.

And it all started when he walked into Tsuzuki that morning in the meeting room...

It was the usual typical office morning; only Tatsumi sensed something tense in the air. But he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was and dismissed it. He had other things on his mind at the time, like confronting Tsuzuki first about the overspending he did on the last case and lecturing how important it was balance the expenses given. Then he would fill out some reports, slashing the pay of a certain Shinigami to overcompensate for it, and then catch up on filing papers and filling out reports. Yes, today was going to be a busy day...

Here was his chance when his eyes fell upon the back of said Shinigami, who was over near the coffee pot. He walked up to him and tapped his shoulder.

"Tsuzuki-san, good, since you're here, I'll..." He froze in mid sentence when Tsuzuki turned around to face Tatsumi. The color drained from his face as he stared into Tsuzuki's amethyst eyes. A smile graced Tsuzuki's lips.

"Tatsumi, good morning to you too!" He managed to get out, but it was forced. "Is something the matter?"

"Tsuzuki-san..." Was all he could manage to say. He had never seen Tsuzuki's eyes so devoted of life before. Sure, there were times where he was smiling, but his eyes always had some sort of spark to them, some sort of inner emotion. Tatsumi had learned long ago to learn to read Tsuzuki's inner thoughts by looking into his eyes. He wasn't an empath like Hisoka and couldn't tell someone exactly how Tsuzuki felt, but he got a general idea by looking into his eyes.

This time though...

"Tatsumi?"

"Tsuzuki-san... Please come to my office..." He glanced over out of the corner of his eyes to see Hisoka enter the room. It took just once glance over at him to understand the reason why Tsuzuki had that distant look in his eyes. But he didn't know which concerned him more, the look from Tsuzuki's eyes or the look from the his partner's.

"Am I... in trouble?"

Tatsumi managed a smile. "No, but I need to speak to you. Come."

Tsuzuki nodded and took the rear, walking behind Tatsumi with his head low. Tatsumi didn't bother to look back, fearing that if he looked into the Shinigami's eyes, he wouldn't be able to hold his calm demeanor. Tatsumi opened the door and let Tsuzuki back in. He then closed the door and pushed the small button on the knob, not wanting to be disturbed by anyone else.

"Please have a seat." He gestured to the chair in front of his desk. Tsuzuki nodded and sat down, fidgeting the end of his jacket.

"This is about the bill of our last case, isn't it? I'm sorry, Tatsumi! But the pastry shop in the area was selling the best sort of cheesecake and I had to try it out, even though Hisoka told me not to and told me you'll get mad and..."

"Asato!"

Tsuzuki jumped at the mention of his first name. Tatsumi rarely ever used his first name. When he did, it was on a personal level. It was common knowledge that Tatsumi and Tsuzuki had some sort of relationship that was deeper than the typical relationship that 'just co-workers' shared. But it was hard to classify their relationship in words. More than co-workers, of course, more than friends too, but beyond that...

Tsuzuki opened his mouth to apologize but Tatsumi gave him a stern look, wanting silence. He pressed his lips together.

"I want to know what happened between you and Kurosaki-kun. And don't tell me nothing happened, because the look in your eyes and his tells me different. And don't you dare lie to me, Asato. I only pulled you in here, because even I know you can't keep up the facade you're pulling up for too long, as much as you're trying to do so."

The room was dead silent after Tatsumi finished. He waited for Tsuzuki to speak. And waited.

"I... don't want to talk about it..."

"You're going to need to talk about it eventually. And it's best to do so now, instead of walking out of here and breaking down in front of your co-workers."

"Tatsumi, this isn't something I'm willing to share with a co-worker..."

Here, Tatsumi crossed his arms. "So you view me just as a co-worker?" Tsuzuki's answer was a lowering of his head. Tatsumi walked over and placed a hand on Tsuzuki's cheek, lifting his face. "Well?"

"No..."

A gentle smile of reassurance crossed Tatsumi's lips. "Then tell me. I won't get upset."

"Even if I went well over the budget?" Tsuzuki grinned.

"Tsuzuki-san, I seriously doubt this has to do with something like that. So I would appreciate it if you stopped avoiding the subject and tell me..."

"I just... don't know where to start..." Tsuzuki admitted. 'And would you think... differently of me when I do tell you.'

"From the beginning, if possible."

Taking a deep breath, Tsuzuki began to speak.

"I... It started yesterday... It was a little after six 'o clock and I asked Hisoka if we could go out to dinner. He agreed, but..."

"But?"

"It seemed he was distracted the entire time. Like he was in front of me, of course, but... not really there..."

"Not in the right state of mind, you mean?"

"Yeah. Distant..."

Tatsumi nodded. "I see. What else?"

"Well, after we ate, he invited me into his house... And..." Here, Tsuzuki started to mumble and turned his head away.

"Excuse me?" Tatsumi raised an eyebrow and cupped his cheek, turning his face to him. "Tsuzuki-san, you have to speak up."

"ItoldhimthatIlikedhimmorethanafriend..." He mumbled in the span of a second.

"I can't understand you when you mumble and speak that fast either."

"I said, 'I like you more than a friend...'"

"Is that what caused him to get upset?"

"No..." Tsuzuki shook his head, wiping the palms of his hands on his pants. "There's more..."

"What else?"

"I..." He started, but nothing else came out. He started gasping for breath, his nerve starting to wan.

"Tsuzuki-san, look at me. Take deep breaths, calm yourself down, and clear your thoughts. When you're ready, you can continue."

Tsuzuki didn't even realize he was starting to hyperventilate. He shook his head and took several deep breaths. Tatsumi put a hand on his shoulder.

"I know this is hard for you to tell me. But, I think you'll feel better after you do. And then, we'll decide what to do from there."

"'We?'"

"Yes, Asato. 'We.'"

Tsuzuki nodded. In a soft voice, but just loud enough for Tatsumi to hear, he said, "I kissed him..."

"You kissed him?"

"And I told him that I love him... And then he said... he said he didn't deserve my love and protection... So I asked him why... And he didn't answer, but just started to cry, so I hugged him... Then I kissed him again and let my shields down, hoping that he would understand my feelings... and then..."

"Tsuzuki-san..."

Tsuzuki put his face in his hands and started to sob. On instinct, Tatsumi pulled his chair close to Tsuzuki and pulled him in for a reassuring hug. Tatsumi knew that he shouldn't be doing this, but... It truly hurt him inside to know that Tsuzuki was in pain, and crying, on top of it. 'I'm so sorry, Tsuzuki-san...' He mentally apologized as he watched the man sobbed softly.

"Did he tell you that he didn't feel the same?"

"No... He kissed me back..."

"Really?" Tatsumi was confused. If Hisoka kissed him back and felt the same way... "That's not all that happened, I take it?"

"No... He... I..." Tsuzuki found himself gasping for air for the second time.

"Take deep breaths. And when you're ready to continue..."

Again, Tsuzuki had to calm his breathing down before he continued to speak. "No. When he kissed me, it wasn't the same way as I kissed him... He kissed me, yes, but it was out of anger..."

"Anger?"

"Yes, and he forced me into his bedroom and..."

Tatsumi knew from that one statement what had happened and taken place. But he didn't want to jump to conclusions right yet. Deep down though, he knew what happened and his insides went cold. This didn't seem like how Hisoka would react at all.

"Tsuzuki-san, I think I have a rough idea what happened, so there's no need to go into detail. But did Kurosaki-kun... 'force' himself upon you?"

He didn't get a complete answer, as Tsuzuki began to sob again, clutching Tatsumi's sleeves, constantly asking 'Why?' over and over again. Tatsumi continued to hold the man, whispering reassurances to him.

"Do you have any idea why Kurosaki-kun would do that?"

"No..."

"Did you push him off and leave his house after he forced himself onto you?"

Tsuzuki's eyes widened. "Tatsumi... I thought you said you had a rough idea of what happened..."

Tatsumi felt his insides turn to ice. "You mean there's more?"

"He... I didn't leave his house until around 4 am... I fell asleep after... He was asleep, but he was sitting up, so I was able to sneak out and get ready for work..."

"You mean to tell me you didn't tell him to stop or push him off of you??? Asato, what is the matter with you!?" Instantly, Tatsumi regretted asking that question as Tsuzuki pulled away from the older man. Pushing his glasses up the rim of his nose, he looked back at Tsuzuki with concerned eyes. "I apologize. I didn't mean that... It is just I'm concerned about you..."

'I should tell him...' Tatsumi thought. 'The real reason why I'm concerned about you, Tsuzuki-san, is not because I'm your friend, but because I...'

"...I liked it..."

"Pardon?"

"I liked what happened..."

"Tsuzuki-san!?" Blue eyes widened in shock.

A bitter smile crossed Tsuzuki's face. "It hurt, yes, but I deserved that kind of pain. But a part of me didn't want him to stop because I know how he feels deep down and I didn't want to hurt him. Deep down, I know he loves me. He just expressed it... in a violent way..."

"Tsuzuki-san..." Tatsumi frowned. "You do not deserve pain, no one does. Especially you."

He shook his head and rose from his seat. "Thank you, Tatsumi. For listening and being a good friend. But I have to solve this alone. This is between Hisoka and me. I think... now I know what to do...

"I still love him... Even after what happened... my feelings haven't changed... Tatsumi, I think he did this so that I would hate him, to chase me away and not try again... But..."

"Tsuzuki-san..." Tatsumi rose to his seat. "You are dead set on this?" Tsuzuki nodded. "Well, I won't stop you, but please, this time, if something like that happens, please promise that this time, you'll walk away..."

"I won't need to walk away after this..." Tsuzuki whispered, more to himself than Tatsumi. 'That's not the answer I wanted to hear, Asato...'

Tsuzuki turned to Tatsumi. "Oh! I think you were saying something before I interrupted. What was it?"

"...It's nothing important. Just remember if you need to talk, I will listen..."

"Sankyu, Tatsumi." He said with a smile and to Tatsumi's relief, the emotions were starting to come back into his eyes. "I'll get back to work now!"

"One more thing, Tsuzuki-san."

"Yes?"

"There is a reason why I put a limit on your expenses. Expect that to come out of your pay this week."

"Tatsumi! Meanie!" Tsuzuki pouted and stuck his tongue out.

"Glad you're feeling better." Tatsumi said and opened the door. "Now go on. Time is money, as they say."

Tsuzuki gave Tatsumi one last smile before he walked out of the office. Tatsumi closed the door and shook his head, brushing his fingers across his forehead as he felt a headache coming on. He never expected this to have happened, and perhaps it would make things difficult in the future, so he had to be prepared. He looked back to the door and smiled bitterly.

'Tsuzuki, no matter what happens, just remember that there are people who care about you... That I care about you... I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens between you and Kurosaki-kun... I hope for the best for you, but never forget that if you need to talk, that I'm here for you...'


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