Tatsumi x Gatepost

by Penny Paperbrain

“There is nothing to be afraid of,” Tatsumi assured the post as he swung the gate out of the way. “Your upstanding purity has shown me that there is no need for shame.”

The fence was an ancient one, dividing the grounds of the JuoOhCho building from the fields behind it. It had been tumbling down for many years now, because Tatsumi refused to pay anyone to do repairs. The post was a honest wooden brown in colour, a little worm-eaten, and listed markedly to the left.

It ignored Tatsumi.

The shadowmaster raised an elegantly arched brow. He grazed the tip of the post, with its gently weeping moss, with a delicate fingernail. “I see you need to learn to appreciate authority,” he commented, whipping out a pair of binder clips and attaching them to convenient large splinters.

The post rocked a little on its unsteady foundation.

“That’s right,” Tatsumi whispered, crouching down and cupping the back of his wooden beloved in his hand. He tweaked one of the clips. “Endure, for me.”

Removing the leather straps that held his sleeves up, he gently bound the post to the struts of the adjoining fence, planting a reassuring kiss on the moss at his lover’s crown. Quickly he shrugged out of his shirt, which he placed carefully inside a plastic bag labelled “Alternative Office Supplies” to protect it from the mud. He pulled his belt from its loops, stood back and began to flog the post.

For a while it creaked and protested, chips flying off as Tatsumi’s blows abraided its body. Finally, with one last, mighty groan, the post broke in the middle and hung loose in its bonds.

Tatsumi dropped the belt. Tremblingly he removed his pants and effed up the romantic tension by folding them with anal-retentive care. But then, kneeling by the rift in the wood, he -

~*~

“Bloody hell,” said Tsuzuki as he glanced out of the office window. “Can you see what I can see??”

Hisoka raised a warning hand as he kept his other hand determinedly on the mouse and his eyes on the screen. “I don’t want to know,” he said firmly. “I’m afraid that Penny Paperbrain’s around again.”

“Oh, so that’s why there’s a pink loveheart with ‘Twu wuv ick, oh purlease...’ written on it glued irremovably to our door,” Tsuzuki nodded sagely.

“Exactly,” Hisoka confirmed grimly. “Put the blind down and try not to think about any of it."

~*~

Tatsumi lay clutching the broken post to his chest, his heart profoundly filled with joy. He gently stroked his lover’s mildewed torso, and dreamt that perhaps, now he had finally screwed everyone and everything in Meifu, he could get back to screwing their budgets like he really wanted.