*Text quotes from http://theria.net/yaminomatsuei; the chapter numbering system from there applies here as well.


Asato Tsuzuki: Portrait of Guilt
by Majinkarp


Is it even possible to count the number of times in the course of Yami no Matsuei that our hero Tsuzuki expresses his guilt, either outwardly or to himself? Such profuse apology might seem insincere coming from anyone else, but what is troubling is that Tsuzuki means it each time. Wherever he goes, he carries with him that constant burden of guilt—whether it is for doing his job, his unspecified "sins" of the past, or simply for existing—no matter what his true culpability is.

Despite his skills, Tsuzuki's compassion makes him ill-suited for his job as a Shinigami. Instead of seeing himself as mercifully leading souls into the afterlife, he considers himself a killer, one who "devour[s] the lives of others" (1, "Futari"). He fails to see the reasons behind doing his job, but rather considers it to be "hunt[ing] other people's lives for [his] own purposes" (1-2). Just what would these purposes be? Does he truly believe he can avert the inevitable deaths? Is he making up for his own mistakes vicariously through caring for these people? Or is it a martyr complex? Perhaps he has himself convinced that he deserves to be in this despised role because of his sins, or that it is one he must take on so that others don't have to. To compare him seriously with a "vampire" who feeds on the living, as he suggests is the case in the Nagasaki arc (1-3), goes against everything we have observed of Shinigami and their duties. It is not only an exaggeration; it is irrational.

It would be wrong to say that Tsuzuki does not hold any responsibility for the deaths of individuals he encounters in his cases, but at the same time it is too extreme to consider him a murderer. A murderer acts coldly and rationally while taking a life in a truly selfish fashion. Tsuzuki does none of these things; in fact, he goes out of his way to prevent deaths. Unfortunately, they follow him everywhere, whether foreseen or not. In those cases, is it all too easy for him to place blame on himself and his own involvement in the situation: 'had I not been there, it wouldn't have happened; it's all because of me'. It is possible that one reason he cares so strongly about saving others is not just for their own well-being, but to assuage his conscience as well, so as not to have their deaths on his head.

This reaction probably leads back to whatever happened during his lifetime that presumably caused him to go insane. It is never clear if the incident was Tsuzuki's fault directly, indirectly, or something for which he naturally assumed the blame, such as a failure to protect those he cared about. The closest we get to a direct reference comes from Saagatanasu, who preys on Tsuzuki's feelings of guilt to control him by replaying images of his "numerous guilty crimes" (2-5), and Muraki, who tortures him further while he is killing Maki by reminding him of "what occurred that night" (20). However, both these individuals are playing on Tsuzuki's own conceptions of the events, which of course cast himself in a negative light, because they know this to be a vulnerability that they can use to manipulate him.

Tsuzuki has made numerous attempts at suicide, in part because he feels "that to be living is a crime" (23). He believes himself to be a flaw as a person, because of mistakes he has made or circumstances he couldn't control. The only viable solution in his eyes is to escape from this life, and spare everyone else the trouble he causes. At the very least he kills himself a little at a time, "bur[ying] himself in the darkness" (24) by hiding his true self or his feelings. He doesn't want to risk others worrying about him and caring for him and suffering as a result, but there is also a part of him that fears his friends would "despise [him] once [they] knew the truth" (20) about his life. Tsuzuki knows rejection all too well, and as much as he believes he merits this scorn, he would also do anything to escape it. During his life, he was targeted for his different appearance. Ignorance bred shame, the public counterpart of guilt. His low self-worth and fear of rejection are the products of the torments he suffered at an early age. Now, with no one to pass judgment on him, he feels it necessary to do the judging himself, proving that he himself is in fact the person he hates the most. In this vein, during the Kyoto arc he also feels that it is appropriate for him play the part of his own executioner (although technically it would be Touda).

Suicide is only one possible solution Tsuzuki could choose for solving his guilt. There is nothing wrong with feeling guilt in and of itself, as it is what sane and ethical people do from time to time, and he could theoretically function as a normal person in spite of it. It is merely how he attempts to deal with his guilt that is problematic. Instead of working through it constructively and acknowledging it openly in order to let it pass, he dwells on situations and considers himself worthless for his actions. As a result, he remains stuck in this same frame of mind for most of his life and afterlife. He chooses to lie outwardly, hide, and run away: all methods of escape and denial rather than accepting his shortcomings for what they are and being healed emotionally. But perhaps this obsession with guilt is not entirely detrimental.

Memories of his past and visions of what could be haunt Tsuzuki because he is "extremely afraid of hurting others" (31). In this way, his guilt may be said to have a positive outcome, as it keeps him from acting out destructively even though he has the potential to do so. It is his conscience at work, and what separates him from individuals like Muraki, who show no remorse and are in fact unapologetic. While others exploit his predilection toward guilt in order to take control of him, Tsuzuki knows how to use it to keep control of himself, as he knows exactly what the consequences would be otherwise. Additionally, his remorse is proof that he is "a human that possesses a 'heart'" (31), and a reminder to those he comes into contact with of what it means to be a human. The caring and gentleness that he manifests as a result are why he is important to so many people. In this way, his guilt becomes a strength rather than a weakness, and stands as an example to others.

Guilt's opposition in Yami, if anything, would have to be revenge. Both dwell on the past; the difference being that each puts blame in a different place. Muraki especially, and to a lesser extent, Hisoka, is driven by thoughts of revenge. On the one hand, Muraki accepts what he is and feels that his "crimes, no matter how many, can be atoned....Whatever crimes you commit, as long as you 'purify' yourself, it will be alright" (23). He can grasp the concept of sins and their forgiveness, but does not feel guilt for committing his crimes, and does not desire or expect forgiveness. His method of 'atoning' involves piling further atrocities on top of his crimes. According to his reasoning, two (or more) wrongs make a right, in a process that continues without end. Meanwhile, with true guilt, as Tsuzuki has, comes the desire not to repeat the same error twice, and to make amends for the damage which has already been done. The knowledge that one is guilty means that there is room for forgiveness, although Tsuzuki may still think it's impossible or believe himself unworthy of it. In this way, his guilty attitude may be considered a healthy one, and may save him yet, if he allows others to forgive him and in turn forgives himself.



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