Mary Sues no Matsuei

It all started when Terazuma finally got his act together to propose to Wakaba. They brought their sweet little son, Hikaba Kennzuma, to the office one day, and Tsuzuki began to get broody. Twenty years on, and there’s a new set of faces in and around the Shokan division. The main cast - Assoka Tsusaki (f) Daddies: Hisoka, Tsuzuki Origin Story: Tsuzuki browbeat Hisoka into agreeing to impregnate him because he wanted to enjoy the human experience of childbirth. Appearance: Short, defensive and klutzy yet mysteriously magnetic and gorgeous. Powers: Radioactive eyes; the ability to communicate telepathically with confectionery. Tragic Past: Assoka’s childhood was a nonstop whirlwind of girl scouts, dance lessons and compulsory social activities as Hisoka tried to compensate for his own deprived youth. And you try going through adolescence with a father who appears to be the same physical age as you. Miscellania: Assoka likes to pass the time by sitting in a room with a pile of sweets, alternately gobbling them, bitchslapping herself and shouting “baka”. Kuzato Murzuki (f) Daddies: Muraki, Tsuzuki Origin Story: Tsuzuki enjoyed the experience of pregnancy but Hisoka wouldn’t oblige him a second time (he said something about the fact that Tsuzuki’s eating habits were bad enough when the man was normal, let alone when he was pregnant). Driven frantic by longing, Tsuzuki was forced to look elsewhere... Appearance: Bleached white all over, except for her amethyst nipples. Powers: Able to make her eyeballs come out on stalks and do a hypnotic dance above her head. Tragic Past: All Kuzato’s little friends were afraid of her at school. This was perhaps because she used the toy medical equipment alternately to slash her own wrist and to try to cut off the head of anyone who approached her, but it was still very traumatic. Miscellania: Kuzato’s main ambition in life is to get all her half-sisters together in a locked room and explain how decapitation has had a bad press and should be allowed a place in healthy family life. Airou Tatsuki (f) Daddies: Tatsumi, Tsuzuki Origin Story: Despairing at Kuzato’s unfortunate psychopathic tendencies and because even Muraki wasn’t going to suffer through Tsuzuki’s cravings for anchovy, peanut butter and kiwi jelly sandwiches on rye bread again, Tsuzuki turned to Tatsumi. Appearance: Beautiful and studious Airou ties books to her low-hanging fringe as both fashion statement and time saver. Powers: She commands a hybrid shadow shikigami which would be unstoppable if it didn’t have the habit of hiding behind her skirts in a paroxysm of guilt. Tragic Past: Airou’s young mind was scarred by her desperate daily tooth and nail battle to protect her sweets, nay her very rusks, from Tsuzuki. Miscellania: Airou’s usual method of announcing her presence when entering a room is to bang together the heads of the two people sitting nearest. This arises from the childhood need to avoid starving to death while Tatsumi and Tsuzuki reverse guilt tripped each other over who was most unworthy to be a father. Hiseii Kurosumi (m) Daddies: Hisoka, Tatsumi Origin Story: Feeling left out of it all, Hisoka approached Tatsumi. Out of their bonding over the horror of Tsuzuki’s pregnancy cravings, something special was born... Appearance: A cute yet stunningly handsome youth. Has weird long spindly fingers if you look closely. Powers: Can turn people to stone by looking at them. Can count the number of words in a paragraph of depressing literature in a single glance. Tragic Past: Both his daddies were so inhibited that Hiseii did not find out about the birds and the bees until Uncle Watari took him aside for a talk at age 22. Miscellania: In spite of his serious air, poor Hiseii is continuously molested by Sama and Yuya, love twins of some of his daddies’ colleagues. Seiitaka Tatari (f) Daddies: Tatsumi, Watari Origin Story: Watari likes needling Tatsumi, and getting him up the duff seemed like a particularly fine way to do it. During the birth, Tatsumi suffered severe complications when the baby's rampant blonde hair got stuck in his... @_@ Appearance: Blonde, imperious, drastically myopic. Powers: The ability to calculate chemical formulae by spinning yen signs around on her eyeballs. Tragic past: Much of Seiitaka’s babyhood was spent sitting dispiritedly on the floor banging blocks together while Watari attempted to engage her in the marvels of science as manifest in a tin opener (it was the nearest thing to hand) and Tatsumi lectured from the sofa about responsibility. Miscellania: Seiitaka once had a passionate affair with Tsuzuki and got thrown out of the house by Tatsumi before Watari reunited a tearful reunion. Yusato Watzuki (m) Daddies: Tsuzuki, Watari Origin Story: Desperate for a son, Tsuzuki turned to the one person who could genetically engineer it as a certainty. Appearance: Strewwelpeter in a sexgeek bodysuit. Powers: Can transform into a small plastic articulated lorry when you pull his arms in a certain way (Watari thought it would be interesting to genetically engineer that in too) Tragic Past: Yusato has a neurotic compulsion to wear a hat at all times, despite the severe difficulty of getting it to sit on his head. Like many pets, 003 got violently jealous of the competition for Watari’s attention. Owl doo, hair, Tsuzuki’s attempts with the shampoo... too many bad memories. Miscellania: Yusato is the most obscenely genki individual on the planet, and has been known to outlast Konoe at karaoke. Yusoka Kurotari (f) Daddies: Hisoka, Watari Origin Story: Determined to get this parenthood thing right, Watari told Hisoka that if Hisoka knocked him up, he’d give him and his existing progeny a lifetime supply of Twin- repellent potion. Appearance: Sufficiently blond as to resemble a haystack on legs. Powers: Tentacular attack hair, which snakes out, grabs you by the neck and demands “Who are you calling cute?” Tragic Past: Yusoka’s violent mood swings from terrifying good nature to terrifying snarliness have been called manic depression but are in fact simple uncontrolled insanity. Miscellania: Yusoka’s school years were marred by an uncooperative attitude, resulting in part from her taking Hisoka as a pattern for successful social integration, and in part from Watari egging her on to ignore the teachers because they had a depressingly restrictive idea of what learning is about. And a few of their friends... Oritaka Murabi (f) Muraki, enjoying the fun of fatherhood (just not the cravings, please) talked long-suffering Oriya into bearing him another child. The result, Oritaka Murabi, is a beautiful young woman who plans to take over KoKakuRou and use it as a front to blackmail and murder philandering husbands. Yudaioh (m) Observing Tsuzuki busily procreating, Enma indulged in a fit of mood and immaculately impregnated Watari. The result, a son simply named Yudaioh, spends much of his time plastered to the Mother Computer, muttering about Guardians who keep hacking into the system and is thus bent upon creating an impenetrable firewall. Rikson The product of Yami no Matsuei's ultimate OTP, Riko x Watson, this cross between a hedgehog and a mouldering puffball rolls around the Shokan division office on its spikes, singing light-hearted Mexican melodies, getting its apron tangled in the bases of chairs and leaving mouldering chunks of itself lying about for people to tread in. Eggy-chan (?) Both Elder and Younger Gushoshin felt the luv and went chasing after 003. The result is currently incubating in Watari’s lab. Wathaku Sonshaku (*shiver*) Feeling left out, the Earl approached Watson... *snip!*

Erin remarked upon the accidental omission of: Kanoshin (gender unknown--hermaphrodite? Androgyny?) Daddies: Kanoe-kacho, Gushoushin Elder and Younger. Origin Story: By some freak accident of nature or fate or something equally cruel, after many months of continuing the affair with the Gushoushin, Kanoe-kacho falls pregnant *naturally* (because he's just special that way, and it has to do with the Gushoushin laying eggs in his rectum or something similar). Appearance: Too horrible to describe. A strange, elfin creature with feathers sticking out randomly from extremely wrinkly skin. Powers: The mere sight of Kanoshin makes people either run away screaming, go blind, or curl up in a corner whimpering "Oh god, the chicken, the chicken, oh god..." Tragic Past: Always teased at school for being the ugly chicken child, Kanoshin fell into a depression at age 11 and attempted suicide eight times from ages 13-17. Ey was eventually prescribed Prozac. Miscellania: Kanoshin worked very hard at eir studies at the expense of all else. Ey ended up in a position of power, despite eir appearance, and went on to become the President of the United States.