I Am Purity, They Call Me Perverted...

...And reasons why Tsuzuki and Hisoka should make love!



Sex has been massively sullied by society. From the Christian point of view that worldly pleasures are, per se, sinful to the "because it's naughty" depiction of male genitalia on many a school desk, sex has pretty much been reduced to something "dirty". It doesn't help that it is a highly marketable commodity, and has been dragged from "shameful" secrecy to utter blandness, something used to sell movies, cars and cologne.

There is no logical reason why sex in itself should be dirty - it is physical pleasure, can heighten emotional intimacy and thus the bond between two people, and is essential to the survival of many a species. It only becomes dirty when we view it as such or if it is abusive.

Contrary, I'm sure, to the majority of teachings about sex, it can be something special even between people who are not in love, but who are close friends. It's something that can be very positive. It can be about trust, affection and intimacy, even outside of a conventional "relationship". This viewpoint, I might add, has shocked and offended some more traditional thinkers.

The fact that I was sleeping with a friend once led my house-mates to put rotten tomatoes just outside my door, deliberately causing me to fall down the stairs. Why? In what way was I hurting them, or for that matter, anyone else, by being physically intimate with my friend? They actually told me that if we had declared ourselves to be in love, it would have been acceptable that we were sleeping together, but that because we were just friends, it wasn't. Back once again to the belief that sex is dirty or wrong, that it can only be justified and purified by love, marriage or making babies.

I am actually a romantic at heart - I think there's something wonderful about being deeply in love, as anyone who's read my limited fic output will have probably guessed. But for me, sex doesn't have to spoil the closeness of a relationship, it doesn't have to drag it down to a baser level. Despite some of my more unfortunate experiences and the many hang-ups I've struggled with, I've still managed to hold onto the belief that sex isn't in itself dirty or wrong but that it can become whatever society and individuals make of it - from an expression of affection and a mutual pleasure to something threatening, frightening and sordid. I've experienced it as both.

With Tsuzuki and Hisoka, I can see sex as being something *very* special between them, as being about love and *trust*.

Tsuzuki is a very loving, caring and physically affectionate sort of person, and while I can see him holding back from a sexual relationship with Hisoka out of consideration for Hisoka, out of fear of messing up what they already have, of somehow hurting him or even tainting him, or of being rejected, I cannot see him not *wanting* to make love to Hisoka, should a relationship develop between them - he seems far too physical, affectionate and needy for that.

For Hisoka, there are several barriers that would need to be overcome in order for him to have a truly enjoyable sexual relationship with Tsuzuki:


  1. The dislike of being touched, due to his empathy. Although being loved and desired would be a positive feeling for most of us, Hisoka has no experience of the former feeling and horrible associations with the latter. While Yami no Matsuei fanfiction is full of references to psychic shielding, I don't actually recall this happening in canon, and if this is the case, being physically intimate with Tsuzuki would leave him feeling everything that Tsuzuki feels. Theoretically, this ought to be something good, but given his past experiences and the strength of his empathy, it *could* be something quite alien, alarming and overpowering for him.

  2. His childhood experiences of rejection and loneliness. Before Hisoka met Tsuzuki, he clearly wasn't used to being touched as a gesture of physical affection. Being touched allowed him to experience strong and unpleasant emotions from others, and being an empath led to him being locked up by his parents and treated as a freak, a monster.

  3. Muraki. Hisoka's only experience of sex is as abuse - a context of pain, terror, degradation and death, to mention nothing of a lingering curse and repeated nightmares. Even with his empathy informing him that Tsuzuki's feelings and intentions were something *good*, Hisoka would most likely still have to deal with the fact that his only experience of being touched intimately was something *extremely* unpleasant. There is no *guarantee* that he would immediately find the physical sensations *nice*, because of his associations with them.

  4. Hisoka's dislike of his own body. Hisoka resents being physically stuck at 16 for all of eternity, mainly because he associates it with feeling unequal to Tsuzuki, relatively immature and powerless. He is also (understandably) less than keen on the curse marks that flare up on his body. Being naked with Tsuzuki is likely to be something that he'd find difficult.

Now, all of this sounds like a list of reasons why Tsuzuki and Hisoka *aren't* going to have sex. BUT... if you think about it, their relationship getting to the stage where they can make love and experience it as something good and special would be an enormous step forward for Hisoka. The reasons why he might not want sexual intimacy relate to four of the main problem areas of his (after)life, and therefore being able to make love with Tsuzuki and really enjoy it would entail and symbolize him *overcoming* these problems.

From Tsuzuki's side, being able to make love with Hisoka would mean an awful lot, because of the level of acceptance, caring and trust that it would involve on Hisoka's part. Tsuzuki is also the sort of person who wants to make others happy, or at least, lessen their pain, so mutually pleasurable lovemaking is something I can imagine him getting a lot out of. (This particular point would be equally valid if Tsuzuki was to have a relationship with Tatsumi - the only other Tsuzuki romantic *and* sexual pairing I see as viable.)

Something else to take into account is the fact that Tsuzuki finds Hisoka physically attractive - I'm not sure that he thinks this about any of the other major characters, with the *possible* exception of Muraki (not sure on this point), and I'm sorry, but there's no way I see Tsuzuki and Muraki ever having a *romantic* relationship! (Sexual, maybe; romantic, no.)

I could (and probably will, at some stage) argue the case for Tsuzuki having a loving physical relationship with Tatsumi, but I *couldn't* argue the case for Hisoka having such a relationship with anyone *but* Tsuzuki. However, the point of this essay isn't whether or not Tsuzuki and Tatsumi could make love, but that making love would be something *positive* for Tsuzuki and Hisoka, something that wouldn't ruin the special bond they have. Personally, and for the reasons given above, I think it would *strengthen* the bond between them, and be something special for them both.




~ The line "I am purity, they call me perverted" is taken from "Faster" by Manic Street Preachers ~



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